HAAH: Depression #1

It’s weird for people who still have feelings to be around depressed people. They try to help you have feelings again so things can go back to normal, and it’s frustrating for them when that doesn’t happen. From their perspective, it seems like there has got to be some untapped source of happiness within you that you’ve simply lost track of, and if you could just see how beautiful things are…

At first, I’d try to explain that it’s not really negativity or sadness anymore, it’s more just this detached, meaningless fog where you can’t feel anything about anything–even the things you love, even fun things–and you’re horribly bored and lonely, but since you’ve lost your ability to connect with any of the things that would normally make you feel less bored and lonely, you’re stuck in the boring, lonely, meaningless void without anything to distract you from how boring, lonely, and meaningless it is.

But people want to help. So they try harder to make you feel hopeful and positive about the situation. You explain it again, hoping they’ll try a less hope-centric approach, but re-explaining your total inability to experience joy inevitable sounds kind of negative, like maybe you WANT to be depressed. So the positivity starts coming out in a spray–a giant, desperate happiness sprinkler pointed directly at your face. And it keeps going like that until you’re having this weird argument, where you’re trying to convince the person that you are far too hopeless for hope so that they’ll give up on their optimism crusade and let you go back to feeling bored and lonely by yourself.

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This entry was published on March 1, 2014 at 9:07 am and is filed under Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

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